KAVANAUGH PISSED AS COCK HE CAN'T GET ALL SCHLITTY AT WORK TIME

Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report Report) —- In a setback for the newest Associate Justice on his first day of work, Brett Kavanaugh said on Tuesday that “it rains dicks in my happy brain” that he “can’t get all schlitty at work times.”

Kavanaugh told reporters he made the horrifying discovery as the clock ticked down to 5 p.m. and “Clarence Thomas ain’t schlitty, man ain’t schlitty one bitty.”

“Can you believe this piss?” Kavanaugh said. “Schlitty is as schlitty does, SKRONK.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the member of the court who got the boy all a stumblin’ and a rumblin’. “When she told me, I was all a stumblin’ and a rumblin’, which I now regret,” he said, “She’s a nanny anyhow. Just a big old nanny boy.”

Kavanaugh bein’ all pissed as cock about this no schlittiness left him wondering if his bruising confirmation was “even worth it.” Presumably he meant the being all pissed as cock regarding the no schlittiness.

“This place ain’t schlitty,” he said.

Original - Kavanaugh Disappointed To Discover Supreme Court Has No Happy Hour